(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
(0:00 - 6:16)
This is Goals and Grace with certified high-performance coach, Reverend Dr. Juliet Spencer. One practical framework and a faith truth to cut overwhelm and claim your calling. Ready to lead with love, not depletion? Let's go.
One of the biggest lies high-capacity women believe is this, if I say no, I'm letting people down. So we keep squeezing things in. One more meeting, one more favor, one more responsibility, one more quick thing.
And slowly, almost without noticing it, our calling gets crowded out by constant accessibility. The things that we want to do, the desires and dreams and goals we have, even those that we haven't fully articulated, get pushed to the background. But here's what I want you to hear today.
When God gives you a calling, when God puts a dream in your heart, when God gives you a passion for something, when God asks, hey, what is it you want to do? God also gives you boundaries to protect it. Decision fitness is not just about setting goals. It's about protecting the path so you can actually walk it.
Today we're talking about saying a truer no. Not a harsh no, not a selfish no, but a truer no. The kind that protects your peace, your priorities, your purpose, and your capacity to become who God has put in your heart to be.
Over the past several weeks in the Decision Fitness series, we've identified a meaningful 60 to 90 day outcome. We clarified what matters most. We've mapped the five moves.
We've identified the linchpin, the one thing that creates momentum for everything else. But now comes the part most people skip. Protection.
Because, honestly, most people don't lose momentum because they lack desire. They lose momentum because they never protect what matters most. They leak energy.
They leak focus. They leak time. And eventually they wake up wondering why they feel exhausted while making very little progress toward the thing they care the most about.
Truer nos. Stop the leak. A few years ago, I found myself saying yes to far too many good things.
Extra committees, extra responsibilities, conversations that lasted an hour longer than they needed to, projects that, well, weren't really mine to carry, favors that supposedly would only take a minute. And externally, I looked generous. In fact, I think if you asked, people would say, oh, Pastor Juliet, she's always willing to say yes.
I looked helpful. I looked dependable. But internally, I felt frustrated because the things that I wanted to do, the goals and visions that God had placed in my heart, kept getting pushed aside.
Now let me just pause for a minute and say, I continue to use the words, the goals and visions that God placed in your heart. Please don't let that imply that everything you want to do has come from some big burning bush moment in which you heard the voice of God and you knew without a doubt, this, this is what God wants me to do. Rather, I am convinced that more often than not, our dreams, our passions, our desires for a fuller, meaningful, richer life, better relationships, making an impact in the world, a life of joy and a life of peace, those are given to us by God.
Those visions, those callings are themselves God-given, God-given passions, God-given talents, God-given interests. But those things that were put in my heart were getting pushed aside. I have a feeling most of you can relate.
I was busy all the time, but I was disconnected from my own priorities. And I remember the uncomfortable moment I finally started to say a clearer no. I felt two things immediately, guilt and relief.
The guilt made me question myself, but the relief spoke the truth. Because deep down, I already knew I had been abandoning my own priorities to avoid disappointing people. And here's what I've learned since then.
Guilt fades, but the freedom that comes from alignment, that changes everything. A true or no is not defensive, it's not cold, and it's not overexplained. It's clear and timely and kind.
A true or no honors the mission first, while still respecting relationships. Most women weaken their boundaries by trying to soften the discomfort. And man, oh man, was I guilty of that.
So instead of saying no, they say things like, maybe later. Well, let me see. I'll try.
We'll see how things go. But vague answers create lingering pressure. They leave the door emotionally cracked open.
A true or no sounds more like this. Thanks for thinking of me. I'm just not available for this right now.
(6:16 - 6:28)
It's simple, clear, and honest. And if appropriate, you can offer a resource, or another person, or a future date to revisit. But then stop talking.
(6:29 - 12:13)
Overexplaining usually means you're trying to manage someone else's emotional reaction. And have I mentioned, I was really guilty of that. Your five moves are only as strong as the boundaries protecting them.
Because every soft no becomes a secret yes. Every vague becomes another mental tab opening your brain. And high-capacity women especially struggle here, because we think we can carry everything.
But carrying everything eventually crushes clarity. And clarity is essential if you want momentum. Clarity accelerates and clutter decelerates.
You can't build a meaningful life while constantly reacting to everyone else's agenda. Let me say that again. You cannot build a meaningful life while constantly reacting to everyone else's agenda.
So what are some practices that you can use this week? Well, here are five. Number one, pause before responding. Before answering any requests, pause and ask, does this move me toward the outcome that I want to build this season? Is this moving me towards the outcome God has put in my heart? Is this moving me towards the outcome of my own dreams? For me, for my business, for my team, for my family, for my friends? If the answer is no, then it's either a no or a delay with a specific revisit date.
Not an emotionally open-ended maybe. Number two, protect your calendar first. Stop treating your important work like it's optional.
If something interrupts your protected focus time, your default answer should not automatically become yes. Your calendar reflects your priorities, whether you realize it or not. Your future deserves protected space too.
Number three, create one boundary sentence. Now this was a particular game-changer for me. Create one boundary sentence.
You don't need a brand new explanation every time you need to say no. Choose one honest sentence and practice it calmly. So it might be something like, I'm focused on some key priorities this season and I'm not taking on additional commitments right now.
It's simple, respectful, and clear. Number four, stop over explaining. Again, something I definitely needed to learn because this one is huge.
When we over explain, we're inviting negotiation. You don't need a courtroom level defense for protecting your priorities. Kindness does not require endless justification.
Number five, practice Sunday honesty. At the end of the week, ask yourself, where did I say a soft no that quietly became a yes and then repair it if needed? Because awareness creates change. Isn't that awesome? Awareness creates change.
So the more aware we can become of our own actions, the more aware we can become of our own need to please, the more aware we can become of our own discomfort of saying no and then become determined to get comfortable with it, the more honestly we can say no. One reason that I became a coach is because my own coaching, the coaching I received, is what finally enabled me to see clearly how I had become my own worst enemy. And not only by my inability to give a true no had I interrupted my own dreams and vision, I was also robbing my family of more full access to me.
I was robbing the people I love of the vision of life that we collectively had created. And I was robbing myself. And it became so apparent to me that I knew so many of these things in my mind, but I needed a guide to help me implement them.
That was when I said, husband, I know what God is calling me to do next. Coaching is so powerful because most people cannot see their own patterns clearly. A good coach helps you identify where your energy is leaking, where your boundaries are collapsing and where guilt keeps overriding wisdom.
We help you define the real priority and protect the linchpin, script difficult conversations and build the confidence to stop abandoning yourself every time someone else has an expectation. And honestly, most clients move faster not because they suddenly work harder, but because they finally stop scattering their energy across things that don't matter most. That clarity changed everything for me and I've seen it change everything for my clients too.
(12:14 - 13:04)
Jesus said, let your yes be yes and your no be no. That's incredibly simple language and deeply challenging because many of us were taught that love means endless availability. But Jesus regularly stepped away from crowds, demands and expectations in order to remain aligned with purpose.
Boundaries are not lack of compassion. Boundaries are often what allow compassion to remain sustainable. Protecting your calling, protecting your dreams, protecting your vision, protecting your relationships.
Boundaries and protecting them are not selfish. That's stewardship, my friend, stewardship. And that is holy.
(13:06 - 14:37)
This week, what is your move? This week, send one truer no. One honest boundary that protects your linchpin. Then immediately use that reclaim time to take one meaningful step toward what God is asking you to build.
Towards the vision that God is planted in your heart, in your family, in your company, in your team. And feel the relief instead of apologizing for it. That relief right there is information.
Saying a truer no is not about becoming less loving. It's about becoming more aligned, more honest, more intentional and more focused on the life God is entrusted to you. So protect your five moves, guard your linchpin and watch what happens when your energy finally starts flowing toward what matters most to you.
Next week, we'll continue our Decision Fitness series with week number five, Make It Social, Not Solo. And if I can help you gain clarity, spot where you're leaking your boundaries and claim a truer no, book a free clarity coaching call. Thanks again for listening my friend and may God bless you with goals and grace.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.)
